26 incredible qualities I appreciate about my wife

These past few weeks have been quite interesting. First, I have been following with great anticipation the ongoing adventure between Jen Abbas (author of Generation Ex) and her now fiance Niels. They both took a trip to Holland (Niels birthplace) to meet her dad, and his parents. After having obtained permission from her dad for her hand in marriage, he proposed to her in Paris right in front of the Eiffel Tower. Even I, a 'grown man' (sic :)) thought it was so incredibly romantic and a fitting postscript to her testimony. God is indeed amazing.

Karen and I also made the mistake of renting the film "Break Up" (Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston). What had possessed me to rent this film is beyond me. We had been wanting to rent a movie for a while; I thought this was a romantic comedy (it isn't). With Erich running around so much these days, it is hard to watch an entire feature length movie without stopping, so we tend to watch movies piecemeal. Note to all new parents out there - this is NOT a good film to rent and watch piece meal. We watched half of it the first night stopping right at the climax where the argument was at its most heated moment. We didn't go to bed particularly happy with each other that night. The following night, we finished watching the movie. The lousy ending just made matters worse.

So, to make up for the bad movie and partly to redeem myself for having been negligent in the romance area lately, I have spent the last couple of nights coming up with an A-Z list of qualities I most appreciate about my wife. Married people - you should try this sometime - it isn't that easy to come up with one for each letter! :)

Able - By this I mean that she sure has physical strength for a petite person! I still remember the look on my mum's face when Karen was helping us move into our family home a few years ago. Karen wheeled two very heavy suitcases from the moving truck to the back door, proceeded to lift them, one in each hand into the house and carried them to their final destination. Nowadays, I see her strength displayed in her creative ways to somehow carry six bags of groceries, the diaper bag, her purse, the stroller and Erich in one go!

Beautiful - Karen is beautiful. She is my beautiful wife. Although I still admire her youthful looks, she is also incredibly beautiful inside. She has a very giving heart that is evident in almost every aspect of her life.

Caring - Karen used to have the nick name - "kare bear". The rest is self explanatory. :)

Determined - When Karen sets her heart on doing something, she sees it through to the end. (See entry for 'organized'...)

Encouraging - As you probably know from some of my other posts, there are things in my life that I still have to deal with and digest. Sometimes, she'll write me an email just to say that she has prayed for my day. It always makes my day.

Forgiving - This is one that I appreciate every time I act foolishly. Even when she is mad at me, she always finds it in her heart to forgive me and because of this I can appreciate the fact she doesn't hold grudges against me. :)

Genuine - One of the many qualities I admire about Karen is that she does not hide the truth. She tells you how she really feels at that moment so you are never left second guessing intended meanings.

Heart - Karen has a real heart for others and shows it in some of the most unorthodox of ways. Sometimes she can be so generous about it that people are often taken aback by it. Other times she can be so subtle that often times people don't appreciate her enough.

Invests in my spiritual growth - Every Monday night, Karen tirelessly looks after Erich while she lets me attend an evening men's Bible study (BSF). Every time I attend a BSF class and learn something significant, I am reminded of the sacrifice Karen makes each week in order that I might experience spiritual growth. God has been doing amazing things this year because of it and I am grateful both to God and to her.

Jesus loves her! ...this I know, for the Bible tells me so!

Keen - see wise.

Laundry! OK, this started as a joke, but then as I thought about it some more, I decided to leave it in. She does laundry for me more often than I do laundry for her, and she puts up with the fact that I, on occasion, leave a sock or two lying around on the floor... :-) Now that is love!

Mother, Nurturing: This is a quality that is a relatively new discovery (since Erich was born...) I really appreciate the way she takes care of Erich and particularly when Erich looks up at Karen with a look of absolute admiration.

Organized, Practical, Quick (or efficient), Reliable - When Karen puts her heart into something, she can be very efficient at getting things done. For instance, she recently walked a friend of ours (who was getting married) into a bridal shop to find her a wedding dress. It wasn't long before she came back out wedding dress in hand!

Smiles Contagiously - One of the often heard comments I hear about Karen is that she never stops smiling. Well, this is *almost* always true. Even when she doesn't smile though or isn't around to smile, a quick glance at her photograph always makes me smile. :-)

Turophile - Great word isn't it? It means "lover of cheese" (turos + phileo). One of Karen's great food passions. Cheddar, Brie, Havarti, Edam, Mozzarella, Blue, ...you name it, she probably likes it!

Unselfish - A day in the life of Karen generally involves getting up, getting Erich ready to go to Grandma's, putting Erich in auntie's car, getting ready for work, work, meet Jonathan at my work, go to grandma's, pick up Erich, cook dinner, get Erich's bath ready, bathe Erich, feed Erich, then finally some time to herself. But usually she's too tired. Of course I help too (or try to anyway) but I still admire her unequivocal dedication and wonder in amazement how she still manages to do all that and do things for others.

Veracious - Karen is not one to hide her feelings. She will generally make them known - and the benefit of this is that you never have to second guess how she feels about something. She is known to speak the truth anything - positive or negative.

Wise - There's a reason why I will, whenever possible, bounce ideas off Karen. She has a keen mind and an incredible knack of seeing things from a different perspective and giving me ideas and angles I have not thought about yet.

Xenial - Romans 12:13 gives us some pretty practical tips about practicing God's love through hospitality. Karen most certainly takes this to heart!

Young-at-heart - when she isn't preoccupied with chasing Erich down (although that in itself could be a definition of young at heart!) Just the other day, she brought home a chocolate easter bunny. (Yes, you know the type that is 80% sugar, 15% other junk, and 5% chocolate; the type one would give to your 10 year old kid to make him smile at "Easter"...) I was just about to say that I think it's a bit early to be giving Erich chocolate, when I realized she had already bitten off the bunny's head. It wasn't for Erich, it was for a still young-at-heart Karen. :)

Zeal - Otherwise known as passion, and Karen has lots of it. When she sets her mind to something (such as helping someone plan their wedding!), she is full of zeal!

Photographic Composition

Over the last couple of years, I have really been working on improving my photography skills. I enjoy capturing people's emotions through portraits and I have learned a lot about the skill and technical aspects of photography. I am still ever trying to improve on some of the more subjective aspects - the composition.

I am convinced that merely immersing myself in well-composed photographs will help me to improve - after all, that is how one improves one's language skills, so why could it not work for the 'language' of art and photography?

Immersing does help tremendously. I can spend countless hours looking at and critiquing pictures on pbase.com or flickr.com. But so does this recently discovered site on compositional patterns. Coming from a computing science background, I appreciate how they have distilled them down to identifiable patterns. Looking back on many of the photographs I have taken, I can identify which pattern I unknowingly chose.

Serendipity

Serendipity: |serəndipitē| n. Seeing God's providence in something unexpected.

Look up the word serendipity, and you are bound to find some pretty interesting definitions. The Oxford English dictionary describes it as the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way. The Merriam Webster defines it as the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for. For me, I see it more as God's sovereign hand at work, so serendipity is simply us getting a glimpse of His glory, work and Divine providence at a given point in time.

I experienced this very recently. As you know, God has been doing some significant things in my life since having read Generation Ex. Some of these things, I have written about in posts on this blog. I recently commented on Jen Abbas' blog (the author of Generation Ex) thanking her for the encouragement her book has brought me. Apparently, the fact that God was still using her book to bring about encouragement really encouraged her that week. Check out her post on the subject and my subsequent comment.

This week, at BSF, we studied Paul's doxology at the end of Romans 11. Paul breaks forth in praise to God after revealing to his audience the wonders of God's salvation plan. Verse 33 stood out for me:

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable his judgments,
and his paths beyond tracing out!

This significant thought came about: We may never know the full impact of what our obedience to God will bring about for others. Paul reminds us that God's paths are beyond tracing out. But sometimes, perhaps in mercy, God gives us a glimpse - call it moments of serendipity. In a great twist of irony, God, in His grace uses even divorce, an act that brings about so much consequence and pain, and works it for His good and purpose.

Naughty or Nice? 15 observations about Erich

Time sure goes so fast when you are having fun. I am continually amazed at the rate by which infants and toddlers learn. The following is a sampling of observations I have made of Erich in the past two months - in no particular order:

• He now has a spoken vocabulary of about a dozen words, and can readily understand simple sentences in English, German and Cantonese.
• Among some of the more amusing facts - he has learned the art of scolding himself. More accurately, he has learned that the phrase "yie yie" (Cantonese for naughty) inevitably follows when he does something naughty. So now when he throws food on the floor, for instance, he proceeds to wag his finger and say "yie yie". This not knowing of course that he's the one who is supposed to be scolded not the one doing the scolding!
• Hans has been very impressed at the amount of German he has been able to understand. The other day, he dropped his juice sippy cup on the ground, and Hans asked him, in German, to go over there, pick up the sippy cup and bring it back to Grandpa. Erich proceeded to do it without hesitation. Another time, Hans asked him to go around the slide instead of trying to climb up the slide backwards, and he again understood what he was saying and obeyed.
• In English, he is able to regularly utter these words: "uh oh", "up", "down", "hi!", "hi daddy!", "ummm", "mum", "that", "bath time", "apple", and "done".
• He has been able to switch on and off lights.
• Much to our chagrin, he climbs just about anything and everything including the sofa, baby gates, his new shape sorter, desks, and chairs. (Obviously, some things are more suitable and appropriate than others.) Luckily for us, most of the time, Erich also knows how to climb back down from things. Occasionally, however, he'll fall and hurt himself.
• He is also able to point to something and request it by saying "that".
• He knows and loves to give mommy and daddy big hugs.
• He is able to retrieve things when asked - for instance, if I say to him "Erich, why don't you play with your new shape sorter", he'll proceed to find it on the shelf, take it off the shelf, and play with it. Then, if I were to say later "Erich, can you please put the shape sorter back on the shelf?", he would take the sorter and place it back on the shelf.

• Similarly, he is able to pick out most books by name. His favorite (green eggs and ham) is always a favorite.

• He's started to learn how to use duplo/lego. I brought out my old duplo set for him to use, and with just a little help, he managed to build a tower.
• He's also great at cleanup. The other day, mommy asked him to help cleanup some of his toys, and he managed to put things back in their respective places. This translates to service at church too - on Sundays he often helps out the A/V guys put away microphone cords!
• He's done well with associating things to sounds. When he plays with his toy trucks or cars, he makes a very appropriate "vroom, vroom" sound with his lips. The other day, he saw a car commercial on TV. He proceeded to point at it and said "vroom, vroom"! (No wonder those Mazda commercials are so effective!)
• Unfortunately, he's also learned the associations between a remote and a TV, and the mouse/keyboard and the computer. Sometimes, though, he gets it mixed up: The other day when grandma gave him a harmonica to try, he thought it was a remote and immediately pointed it at the TV and started pressing imaginary buttons. Well, at least you could say he picks up on UI metaphors quickly!
• He loves to dance. I recently bought Karen a Michael Buble album for Valentines. Every time that album plays, Erich dances to the music.
  

Personal Quiet Time

I have noticed, particularly since having a family, that personal quiet time is both something that I long for and that is in increasingly short supply. So, when I was able to set aside some time explicitly for personal reflection, I was quite excited. Personal time not only refreshes my soul, it allows me time to gather my thoughts and gather what the Holy Spirit has been revealing to me over the past while.

This particular quiet time I had devoted to gathering my thoughts about what I had learned from the book "Generation Ex" and how it applies to my life. Since resolving to give this area of my life up to God, I felt the need to have an honest conversation to God about the subject - call it a first step in my action plan for my 2007 resolution.

Pastor Jerry and Nick Bansback, a friend from the Bridge, are both big proponents of using mind maps to organize thoughts for devotion. I had done many-a-mind-maps before, but had never attempted to put "my life" at the centre of the map. Doing so yielded some pretty interesting results!

At the root were four major branches: My New Roles, My Fears, My "Coping Mechanisms" and "Jesus". As I mapped each branch, I realized there was a pattern emerging. On one side was the circumstances of my life (roles and fears) and on the other were two common ways I deal with those circumstances: through coping mechanisms or by entrusting it to Jesus.

Coping mechanisms are sub-optimal habits we develop to cope with circumstance apart from God. Much like how I know I ought to exercise my legs to deal with my knee injury, but often find it much "easier" just to take pain medication, the same holds true for coping with emotional pain.

Entrusting it to Jesus often involves giving up sense of control over the situation. Intellectually, I know that giving it up to God is the better solution, but pride takes over and I subconciously conclude better the devil I know (pardon the pun) and live with the coping mechanism instead. Yet how often is this so utterly unhealthy for us? God after all did create us, and knows us more intimately than anyone else. If there were anybody who ought to know what "normal" is supposed to look like, it would be Jesus. Yet somehow in our twisted minds, we think our circumstances coupled with our "coping mechanisms" is more normal than entrusting the circumstance with Jesus.

Because much of what I reflected on is personal in nature (and this is after all a public forum), I will not go into the details of my nitty-gritty circumstances and coping mechanisms and how it relates specifically to me as a child of divorce. But suffice it to say that when I boiled my coping mechanisms down to their leaf nodes, it revealed cleverly concealed sin. Isn't "just coping" with something without fully giving it up to God just another form of pride?

In meditating on this, God highlighted one particular story in the Bible: that of the bleeding woman of 12 years being healed by touching Jesus' cloak (c.f. Matthew 9:18-26, Mark 5:22-43, Luke 8:40-56). For years, this passage had boggled me - exactly what is the faith that Jesus refers to in these passages (Luke 8:48, Matthew 9:22)? Is it simply faith that Jesus can heal, or is it more than that? I believe it is more: the woman knew and believed in her heart implicitly who Jesus really was - the Son of Man, and recognized this at a time when it was not widely known. Because she knew this, she implicitly knew that by touching "perfectness", Jesus' "perfectness" would impart on her, and the imperfect would disappear (c.f. 1 Corinthians 13:10). The faith had more to do with the woman recognizing who Jesus is more so than in his "healing powers". Healing was simply a logical result of her faith.

Applying it back to my own life, I draw this conclusion: If I am letting the coping mechanisms help me around the circumstances of life, I am really diminishing who I believe God to be.

Father in Heaven, You are the one who created us, and because of this, you know me more intimately than anyone else. Thank You for giving me this quiet time and directing my thoughts. Thank You for giving me the strength to start dealing with this area in my life that needs work. Help me to understand and recognize You for who You really are. Reveal areas in my life where I am just coping and not fully giving up to You. I confess these areas to you now. I also confess any areas where I have diminished who You are. I pray now that as you help me to take away each of these coping mechanisms you would remind me that You are so much greater than any one of those circumstances. Remind me that because Jesus died and rose again, You have already conquered our fears and we can face tomorrow. Amen.

Eager to go sliding!

We took Erich and Elias to the park on Saturday and watched them play in the playground. Erich really enjoyed the slide. His grandparents have a play slide in their living room that they have set up for the boys and I guess Erich has been practicing. He was only too happy to see a real one on a real playground, 3 times as big! He must have gone down the slide a good two dozen times.

Seriously, I have no idea where he gets his sense of adventure. As I recall, I was dreadfully afraid of the slide when I was that young. Elias' reaction to the slide (shown in the picture) is a little more at par with what I thought of the slide!

More pictures of "Fun in the park" here.

Erich's New Shape Sorter

Erich has started playing with his new shape sorter. This one was given to us at Erich’s baby shower before Erich was even born. Every time he correctly puts in a proper shape, the entire toy lights up with lights and music. He gets it right most of the time. Occasionally though, he’ll just put the pieces in via the “back door”. :-)

On the back side of the shape sorter is also a portable telephone! The funny thing is that this telephone emits the same sounds as another phone I bought him a few months ago.... hrmm - same factory, different brand?

Jonathan's Personal Reflection - Follow up

A few of you have contacted me (re: my 2007 Personal Reflection) either in person or via email to encourage me or to let me know that you'll be praying for me. I really appreciate this. Those that know me well know that it is a part of my life that is close to my heart.

I wanted to leave a quick note here to let you know that I have set aside some time next week to do some journaling. Part of healing emotional wounds is just having an honest conversation with God about it. I covet your prayers in this area.